Another Year Down, This One's Just Beginning

I celebrated my champagne birthday this past Saturday and I can truly say that I celebrated. I'm so happy about it I'm nearly delirious. 

For the past few years I've dreaded my birthday. I hated it. It was the worst time of the year, right at the start of my favorite season. 

I guess it's normal, women hate their birthdays because they're getting older? That wasn't my problem. I was competing against my "ideal" self and where I thought I should be by now. Married, kids, dog, house, picket fence. I was married, sure, but I didn't have the rest of it. I was in my mid-twenties and I hadn't accomplished nearly any of my life goals. I was way behind my mom and some of my friends. What was I doing wrong? Why could these people have the things I wanted so badly? Didn't I deserve them? It wasn't fair.

It took me a while, but I've worked through the vast majority of those feelings and questions. So much so, that I could enjoy my life and what I have accomplished.

I realized that in the course of my life, I want children. I'm almost positive Ryan and I will have them in about five years, when I'm 31-32. I want to own a house but I don't need to buy one in the next year. We'll save for the one of our dreams. If it doesn't have that picket fence, we'll build one. As for the dog, well, I'll enjoy being just us two for now. It's nice to be able to drop everything at a moment's notice and go do something. 

In this past year, I've focused on what makes me happy. Making my marriage stronger. Baking when the mood strikes. Cycling nearly a thousand miles. Running. I freaking run! Committing to run the first 5k of my life by November. Committing to do five triathlons next year. And working on my relationship with my mom. 

For the first time, in my most recent years, I'm so happy about my life and where it's going. I look forward to each and every sunrise. For the first time, I realize that I'm a work in progress. I'm not defined by one outcome or one experience. I'm this winding, roving road that's headed into a pretty spectacular sunset.